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Minutes from the Thaw Meeting
Year 3705
Attendees: Ice Sprites, Water Nymphs, Mist Fairies

Day 1

10am – Roll Call

Day 2

10am – Roll Call (cont.)

– Fairies insist on their full names being called. Since Fairy names include all of their accomplishments and noteworthy deeds, and the Fairies themselves decide what accomplishments and deeds pass muster, names can take 20 minutes or more each

– e.g. the first Fairy called showed the most restraint; being named Roynayr of the Spiked Valley Who First Questioned The Logically Incongruent Name of the Valley And Ventured From the Valley to the Surrounding Mountains to Investigate Other Peaks And Therein Discovered a Heretofore Undocumented Ungulate Species of Similar Disposition to the Grumpiest of Antlered Beasts And Bravely Drove Them From the Otherwise Pleasant Lands of Some Proximity to the Spiked Valley And Who, Unjustly, Returned From His Adventure With Most of One Ear Missing Because Grumpy Antlered Beasts Pack a Wallop And Make No Mistake

Day 3

7am – Roll Call (completed, to everyone’s relief, shortly after lunch, justifying the decision to begin proceedings early)

1pm – Officers volunteered and elected (one each from the 3 groups)

2pm – Officers set points of discussion for the 3702^nd Thaw Meeting, took far too long explaining how they missed 3 meetings along the way

– Two wars between immortal factions, the other because of an indefensible group psychosis attributable to a mortal woman who was buxom in a way that distracted the base dolts that consider themselves immortal delegates

2:06pm – Predictable divergence into yearly argument

– Ice Sprites wanted a record made of water’s best form being, shockingly, ice. Water nymphs revolted, Mist Fairies demanded satisfaction. No salient points made, Officers spent the rest of the day restoring order

Day 4

10am – Officers commence daily meeting

10:02am – Discussion on best ways to divvy up water usage between mortals and immortals

10:04am – Water nymphs make note of water’s necessary use for mortals and immortals in liquid form. Ice sprites revolted, Mist Fairies took to the air and caused an enormous mist cloud around the falls to prove whatever nonsensical point they alleged to make, chaos descended once more upon the Thaw Meeting

4:40pm – Order temporarily restored to allow the Mortal Delegate the floor

4:45pm – Mortal Delegate gives speech on the nature of water and what it means to those who require it, “not as an essence of their being, but as a necessity of their life. Spirits are water in its varied and wondrous and impossible forms. To them, there is no existence without it. To us, existence teeters on a watery precipice. For us, there is a life without water. It is short, harsh, and has one inevitable conclusion. Water has no bad form, no neutral form, no best form. So long as there is water, for mortals there is life, and that fills space better than ice or liquid water or mist ever could.”

– Note: There was more, but the secretary got a little weepy during the crescendo. Mortals do some things very well (dying, for starters), but they do almost nothing as well as tug at the heartstrings with a deft turn of phrase

4:57pm – Mortal Delegate speech ends. Idiot Sprite confirms it means ice is best. Idiot Nymphs protest. Idiot Fairies overreact. More than three thousand attempts, and the Thaw Meeting simply cannot get it right.

Day 5

10am – Officers adjourns the 3702^nd Thaw Meeting. Thanks delivered

10:30am – Secretary reads notes back to delegates. Guilt spreads among the attendees. It’s a good feeling for immortals, guilt. Guilt is assuaged by time, its resolution spurred by the understanding that it must be expunged before the mortal coil releases its grip. Immortals, lacking that coil, feel guilt’s keen sting far more than mortals. Water is, to these particular immortals, encompassing and inevitable. Mortals have no such luxury. Water, to them, is life, and is precious for its necessity. There is a lesson in there that the Sprites and Nymphs and Mist Fairies could do to learn.

11am – Attendees pack up to leave. Secretary notes a few isolated conversations on the states of water, which shows no progress, but they’re done with some calm and perspective and hardly any yelling, which maybe shows some.